Humanoid

Maybe it's toxic to see all of your pictures edited instead of seeing the real thing. Maybe it's kind of like that one movie I watched where all the girl that was off her rocker the whole time ended up stabbing her lazy eye with a pair of scissors. Maybe I was meant to see that movie that he made where the people started eating each other and getting off to it.

Wait, I hate dolls.

That's why you have no friends. And nobody likes you. Nobody will ever like you because you're just scum beneath my toes, squishing and sloshing around like a slug. You don't matter to anybody and your life isn't bad, I know a million people with bad lives and you're not one of them, because I don't want to know you. You're just a stupid figment of everyone's imagination. You really don't exist to anyone except for your stupid-copy- of- every- other- person-self. You're stupid and senseless and you don't know right from wrong. Why don't you just do everyone a favor and accidentally walk off a cliff. Your life is bad anyways, you told me so.

Today, I felt like I didn't matter. For once, I wasn't so fucking selfish and I felt like I didn't matter. Like the particles that made up my body didn't even exist. Like the atoms circulating through my veins weren't even mentioned in science. Like that sentence didn't even make sense, I just wanted to say the word atoms. I felt like whenever I looked up at you that my eyes would just plop right between us and leave both of us speechless, but it would leave me speechless and blind. It would also leave both of us with a nasty, pussy smell in your room without the windows open because it's zero below outside and we only have each other to keep us warm. If it would be me and you in a room together, and all we had was to depend on each other. I would kill you.

When I saw you

my eyes blew up into a fountain of sparklers and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. When I saw you, I knew you were IT. The IT I've been talking about. The infinite feeling I want to feel and the happiness that I've been pursuing. You're IT. When I heard you, I knew you were the eye tee. It's something I can't explain, but I explained it last night in the notebook I bought. 80% of post consumer waste and 20% banana fibers, with a splash of non-recycled ink, that just makes it a little more toxic for the environment. I love it whenever you talk to me. I feel like, you're the 80% of post consumer waste and I'm the 20% of the banana fibers. Because you don't like banana's. Sorry. I didn't want you to be waste. I never want you to be waste. I'm not sure if somebody reads this, that they'll know just what I'm talking about. But nobody ever comments on these things anyways. I don't really care, because I know what I'm talking about, and you're gonna ask me if this is about you and I'm gonna say "YES YES YES YES, I love you." Just because you want me to do it, doesn't mean that I really want to. Oh, who am I kidding? I just want you to call me cute again, the way you used to back then. I'll do it again. "Okay then.." There, I did it.

fuzzy

As I was riding in the car, I looked up in the sky at the 3 second stop sign and analyzed two fuzzies intertwined together, just floatin' away. And then I thought, if I were a fuzzy and you were a fuzzy, it would be like complete serene heaven. I think maybe my death wish will be to be reincarnated into a fuzzy, and maybe secretly I'll wish the same for you. Then one day, as I'm floating around aimlessly, I'll blow all of my fuzzies in one direction and just float on over to your house, then into your room, and then onto your shoulder. I'll blow one fuzzy on your cheek to symbolize a kiss from me and then I'll stick on you 'til the day YOU die and we could be just like those intertwined fuzzies I saw at that 3 second stop sign. Man, wouldn't that would be the life.

Death is the scariest thing. I'm watching one of my friends ball their eyes out because one of their old friends got shot. Now I'm thinking about what it feels like to get shot. What thoughts run through your mind? Do you feel your brains splatter across the pavement? Or do you just feel the insides of you on the outside? Whatever the feeling is, it's scaring the hell out of me. And all I really want is for everything to be okay again, and I want to break this awkward silence with a funny joke to tell her, but I can't.

What do you call scary sausages?
-Halloweiners!

Hah, death..

come out, come out, wherever you are

behind that heaping pile of shit.
show your face.
please, come out and let me see you.
you and only you.
not him, not her, not that guy, not that old lady across the way.
let me see the true colors of you.
i've never wanted something so bad in my life.
i know it's there.
and i want to see it.