Thinking

I don't know what to do
I'm wondering around in the dark
I'm lost
I'm confused
I'm scared of the future
I love the people in it
I'm a chicken with it's head cut off
I'm running in circles, aimlessly through the fog
I can't see you
I can't see anyone
Where am I?
Who do I talk to you?
Who will whisper my name next?
Who's lips will touch mine?
Who's hands will caress me?

Give me an answer, I want to know.

Can I kill you both now, please?
S
T
O
P
WITH
THE
CREEPY
BULLSHIT.

GAGVOMITPUKE.

AFJSODIFHWEF21!

I just saw a video with you laughing
and talking
and being alive
and cussing
and calling people dick's
and having a good time.
I don't understand how I'm living like this
or any of us are really.
I just want a fucking hug
from BOTH of you.
I want to smell you again,
I want your scent all over me.
I want you to teach me how to draw
and I want YOU to watch me graduate and get married.

WHY THE FUCK DO THE NICE ONES GO FIRST
FUCKING WHY
TELL ME FUCKING WHY
FUCK YOU DEATH
I FUCKING HATE YOU
YOU TOOK AWAY EVERYTHING I EVER LOVED.

I'm
so
torn.
Tape
me
back
together.

Well this is an odd feeling.

For once in my life, right in this moment I'm starting to feel okay with myself. I'm starting to feel like I have people in my life I can count on and not just to pass in the hallway and say "hi" to. I feel like even though my hair isn't turning out the way I want it to for tomorrow that I'm okay with that because nobody is perfect and we're all just striving to be something that we're not. We're all not meant to change. We're all meant to be comfortable in our own skin forever because that's who we were born to be. I was born to be an artist and maybe a writer and maybe a bullshitter, the world may never know, and they may never accept.

However, I fucking accept the fact that I'm finally comfortable with who I am. And I know a couple of people who should do the same.

Hell, the whole world should do the same because we all have insecurities, we just need to find a big enough eraser to make them disappear.

Your love makes me want to fucking puke.
Love has never disgusted me so much.
Get the fuck out.

I really hate the fact that there are other people in the world who are inconsiderate and nice all at the same time.
It makes it so hard for me to be mad at someone when circumstances are like that.
It's really annoying that I have nobody to connect with anymore. I don't have anyone understanding fully what is going in my brain. I thought it was you, but it wasn't. I thought it was you, too, but it wasn't either. I was sadly mistaken. I was mistaken quite a few times in my life that still haunt me.
There's only almost 3 more months to go until I have to face adulthood. I'm going to college and I'm going to be away from this place that I've been coming back to for that past 4 years. I'm always going to have a place I don't want to go back to for a prolonged amount of time. Why don't I just tell everybody that I'm not fucking Super Friend. I can't always be accepting of what goes on with you and you. I'm not the fucking mender of relationships, I can't make everything okay for everybody. It's not all going to be fucking sunshine and daisies.

SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP !

I want you to suffer.