i feel connected to you in a weird sort of way that i can't really explain right now because well it's 7:20 in the morning and i have no school but i'm thinking so much right now and i thought so much last night that it was nearly impossible for me to get to sleep. i woke up and ate cocoa krispies and pondered for about 25 minutes about how it feels like you and me are in the womb together just floating in our own waste and eating away at our food packs. it feels like we both know what to do when the other one is sad and all we have to do is just listen to each other and have a cigarette and we'll both be happy, i think.

i hate the way she thinks. she's so empty minded it's ridiculous. she doesn't know what she's doing half the time and thinks she's funny. she laughs at things that not even my little cousin would even giggle at. it's really annoying and i hope one day she sees the real things in life because right now she definitely doesn't and in my opinion she's just making a complete ugly beast out of herself and i don't like beasts. i don't mind ugly.

i have a wretched stomach ache and i don't know what to do because it's so early and i can hear yelling upstairs and it's her and him just going at it not giving a shit that i live in the basement and i can hear every word they're saying and half of the argument is about me and getting rides and how my mom still has to go to work, but i don't care, because this is my first snow day of the year and i'm gonna fucking sleep dammit because i didn't sleep last night and you're not gonna tell me what to do this early in the fucking morning.

i don't know what i'm going to say to you when we take a walk. i don't understand how it came to be like this, but i know damn well that it was for a good reason and like you said, we shouldn't try this for the 5th or so time and i do agree, we shouldn't. maybe we can just be acquaintances who maybe go on occasional walks and share cigarettes with each other and talk amongst ourselves like nothing ever happened. i don't think we should become as close as we were again because that happened last time and it ended in the same old thing. so maybe we could just be occasional pals.

i like the idea of having an occasional pal. it would make my life sort of exciting.

the most exciting thing that's going to happen today is my burps tasting like chocolate and possibly going sled riding.