"MIRRORMIRROR

on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"

HOW ABOUT, fuck your mirror's and let's not look into any of them for the rest of our innocent lives?! Because, seriously. We're sucked in at the usual age of puberty. We understand. You want to see yourself change. Nobody can honestly tell you, "OH! Bradley, when you look in that mirror, you will see the future. YOUR future. You'll be handsome, tan, and tall. You'll be every woman's dream at night. You'll be everything!" It's another story when little Bradley looks into that mirror and sees himself changing for the worst. He looks in the mirror and thinks, "I look so ugly. Do I look this ugly every day? With these worn out bags under my eyes, and these stupid braces, and these hideous zits all over my face. My already peach fuzzed top lip..Damn, I'm starting to think instead of everyone's dream, I'm everybody's worst nightmare."

Let's be real here. I think most people can all relate, even little Bradley.. that we were all a kid once. Everybody was. We've all been to the point where, we could honestly NOT give a fuck. All we would think about are video games like Super Mario Bros and Duck Hunt. Or Zelda, and Pokemon on the old game boy color. Come home to a nice tomboy room and just kick back and watch some Arthur and Zoom. Go to sleep with your hair wet, wake up put no sort of bra on, put on a flannel and jeans and "sneakers" and walk out the door. No mirrors required.

If only..if only we could turn this all back. Hit our little selves in the head and say "NO, THIS IS STUPID. DO NOT LOOK IN THE MIRROR IT'LL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER!" Impossible! Preposterous! Pish Posh!... but that day came. Where you started thinking about how you looked or how you wanted to impress some boy or girl. When you finally got over the epidemic of cooties, you glanced in the mirror and saw yourself. You saw those tiresome eyes that have been feasting on T.V. and video games since you got home from school, and you saw that uneven hair cut and that hideous dirt under your nails. And finally, you walked away. Walked upstairs and changed yourself forever..

...

All the sighs and all the groans and all the yawns. I get it.
I get it now. I'm unwanted in a lot places in my life.
I'm not allowed here because of this. Or I've spent 4 days with you
and now you're sick of me.
I'm understanding. I'm not stupid.
It's all falling apart like the hinges on my door. Like the tree fell apart in my front yard.
And all of this is putting nothing but weight on my shoulders, that weighs more than my messenger bag.
I'm going to watch monotone Daria for the rest of my life because she makes me feel better.
Daria Morgendorffer, you make me happy.

Today

was a new day for me. Because I ignored all of my o.c.d's and did everything I wasn't supposed to do. It felt empowering. I think that maybe I did this because I wanted to feel like I could control at least something in my life. It felt like I was the boss and I could do anything. But in the end, I just felt incomplete. I wanted to put the shampoo in the soap holder, but I didn't. I put the shampoo on the windowsill where as I'm not supposed to put it either.

I got on the bus that went to the place you told me not to go to today. And I still had everything work in my favor.

Today was different for me, because I put sticky stuff in my hair after I took a shower and I don't care. I care because I have school tomorrow and that everyone keeps saying things that I don't want them to say. But that is something I can't control.

Today was odd because I felt like a new person. Like I had had a miraculous change over night and now I don't know who I am anymore. I didn't have that much of a grasp before, now imagine what I'm going through.

You keep on telling me to "aim for the stars" ... there's 2 ways that's impossible.

#1 being that: I don't know what the stars are or where they live.

#2 being: I don't have a rocket.

sdklfjw9f9e93rikfdlvk

I'm gonna go now.

It's time for a little recap. A little thing I like to call, begging for mercy. When you're buried under 6 feet of snow, nobody can hear you yelling. The wolves can't get you out, the mice can't stand and shout, and neither can I. I lost my voice. I have phlegm coming out the ying yang and I can't bare to speak any longer. I tried yelling your name across the parking lot and you ignored me. You kept on walking confidently with your wife locked onto your arm.

I need some rest, and some cough drops.

Pointless

It's weird how I just had to walk 5 miles to go to a place that looked just like this one.
I am where I stand. I am right there in that place when my body physically was not.
I felt like I've been there before, with all the newsprint and information stands. It was utterly pointless.
It's stupid how right now I don't want to talk to anyone. Not even him or her because together they make me feel stupid and less of myself. I will not let them walk all over me anymore. I will not let them laugh at my bad use of words, and how I'm not a fucking genius like you guys are. I didn't deserve it, you were right. So why try? Why not sit back in that gray, dirty, reclining chair and flip you off all day? You stole that from me, by the way.














Sounds like a fucking deal, STUPID!
Now, gimme your money.

Bloo

I was walking up the street today, and was thinking of what I could make for dinner.
Potatoes? Potatoes.
As I was walking, I was stopped by an odd wrinkly encounter.
He was an old, decrepit, handicapped man that looked helpless in his lonesome wheelchair.
He looked like a widow. Sad and lonely he lived in his little cottage at the top of the hill. He was wearing a short sleeved Tasmanian devil shirt with a blue cap on his head. It's cold outside, I was worried about him. He was wearing those big old man glasses you usually see old middle aged 60-year-old men wear, and blue jeans. He had big ears that looked like saucers that could spin away off of his head at any moment. I turned, moved my hair out of the corner of my eye to get a better look at him. I squinted my eyes, and he saw me.
"Hey there, young miss, how do you do? My name is Lou and my favorite color is BLUE!"
I was wondering if he was trying to rhyme or it was just a weird coincidence. "I see that.." I said. "Where do you live, up above? On the hilltop like me?" he said questionably. "Yes, yes I do, Lou." I said with hesitance. He laughed and giggled and bounced in his wheelchair. "You rhymed!" he yelled. He started crying a little bit, I could see his unwanted tears welling up inside of his yellowish eyeballs. "My wife used to rhyme, all..the..time.." he said with his head hanging down to his chest. "I'm sorry, Lou! I wish there was something I could do!" SHIT, I just rhymed again. "Be on your way, I wish you could stay, but it just..can't be that way." He said, rhyming..again. "Okay!" I said, trudging up the hill. I felt so horrible. I wish I would've stopped rhyming, but it was contagious! Ever since the first sentence Lou said to me, almost everything I said to him rhymed! I thought about it all night, walked back down the hill at 2 a.m. and saw Lou sitting in his wheelchair, frozen and dead. I was so sad, and started crying. I forgot my cell phone and I couldn't call for help. He locked himself out of the house. All I could think was, at least he died his favorite color.