at 3:43 a.m. and I just started playing
as if I had an idea in my head the entire time.
As I proceeded to play I just laid my head
down on my guitar and started crying.
I don't know why, but finally playing again got
me incredibly emotional. I got this floodgate
of memories all at once and they all just hit me
in the face. I had an epiphany, I never just be myself
I never just fully let go and show anyone my true side.
My true side just wants to fucking sing a song. I just
want
to come up with a song.
A song that will show what I'm really fucking feeling.
I've had it locked up inside of me for years.
And the only thing that anyone has ever seen were my tears.
That's the only thing you can see, I have all these words that need to come out.
I need a song.
I have never been so sure in my life.
We'll work on this song just like we worked on the last one together.
ReplyDeleteI promise
I've thought about a song for myself; in fact, I tried to write one tonight, only to lean back against the wall and tell myself that I have no talent whatsoever for this and whatever song I have is not really a song, but some other art form. Maybe a book, maybe a movie. Either way, I'll never be able to express myself through music the way I can do with other mediums. I'll never be able to have the whole thing crescendo and truly show whatever pain, whatever happiness I want to convey. Instead, I'll scream into my pillow and attempt to translate my thoughts and the different ways that my neurons fire up. It's a feeble attempt to what I really want to say, as if I could.
ReplyDeleteexacly, jj.
ReplyDelete