GUESS WHAT?!

I'm shoving his tongue down your throat:


















Then, I'm going to gladly give you this:





















After that, you will see one of these guys:

























And you will lay in one of these little numbers:















And you will have a glued down, fake, dirty, one of these:



















Enjoy your milkshake, sir. Please, Come again.

I felt blind for the first time today.

When I came out of the bathroom, I was walking into a square of darkness.

I couldn't even see the door leading to my bedroom. I heard my dogs paws clickity clacking 3 feet away from me but couldn't see them.

It felt good not knowing where anything was. I hope this feeling returns someday soon.

I told you

your eyes will feast upon this for days on end.
Maybe even weeks, months, years, decades.
I hope you're afraid. I hope you're shaking.

YOU ARE

a poor excuse for a person.

today

you had me shaking like a leaf. early in the morning. i was scared, and frightened and sick.
please.. just stop.

i'm sorry i punched you. i really am.

you're not

judicial or Jewish or judgmental.
step on the concrete the right way and stop trying to follow the imprinted concrete footprints filled with swamp water.
you're not always going to be right. but you'll never be wrong.
if i could erase these thoughts. i would.
apparently, i make no sense. thanks to the teacher and you.
i'm obviously a fairy tale according to this story book.

this is what you do to me:

I'M FINISHED

i'm done, i'm not trying. bye.

"be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead."

It's funny how one word and one syllable can put black ghosts in your soul.
Induce you with fear and make your eyes water.
Shoot you up with heroine and make you overdose.
It's funny how just those 5 letters that makes that one word just crawl up your spine and make you split in half.
How it affects someone's mood and shakes them violently with just thought of it. How it puts images in their head without wanting to think of it. Thinking of the wooden placement you lay in while gluing your eyes shut and filling your veins with alkaline hydrolysis. The green sticky goo pouring out of your blue veins filled with blue blood.
It's funny how I just said this word and your eyes watered. I broke you down without even whispering the nonsense into your ears. The cold mist of my breath touches your earlobe hairs now, and you cringe at the sound of this word. The clock gets louder and louder as it ticks away your life. Ripping the shit out of your face and snapping the ligaments in your arms. It stings. Your eyes sting. Your person stings.
It's funny how you're collapsing on the ground, falling beneath my grasp. You and your shirt and nothing else. You're helpless. I'm breaking you down, slowly but surely...

You do know what this word is..... right?

OF FUCKIN' COURSE

you're gonna think you look just like him and just like her put together making the cutest couple that ever graced the earth with their tiny feet and brittle bones. your mind set is so unlike you, that I can't even FATHOM what you think about each and every day. In that little pea brain of yours. There's not much room to have any sort of remote creative thought bouncing around on the glossy walls of your pinhead. You're deformed and you're insignificant and you're not necessary. You walk in such a way that you think you are better than any other normal human that walks past you. You think you have the power and ability to walk past someone and just talk down to them so you can slowly but surely benefit yourself more than the average person. You're a disgrace to your community and a downer to your own true self.



What ARE you really?

You're obviously

the one side to this one sided conversation.

Just leave

all of the stupid comments and hat's and postcards behind.
you're never going to look back on anything I've had to offer
or any of the pancakes I could have potentially made you someday.
everything you've ever chased.
all of your dreams and fears and those pesky ghosts and demons that have been crawling down the pipes at night and feeding you lies through your eye sockets.
everything that, you've ran away from at one point.
stupid girls and dumb names and boners. it's just. just all so fucking pointless.
can. can you just fucking leave? and never say goodbye?
just leave and never look behind your right shoulder and see me giving you the grim smile behind your back.
I will never offer you any of my popsicles, ever.
And that's basically just like saying I hate you.

I touched the back of my hand to the table
and I thought it was your skin.
It gave me a fright, but my stomach is warm inside.
I wish I was with you.

I FEEL

so many things right now. I feel like I could write you a whole entire story book;
completed with the latest pop up art to grab your attention and even quite possibly, grab your face, and take you into the magical land of storybooks. With the live, talking, human-like, grasshoppers that touch your face like your teddy bear used to. He used to talk to me, my teddy bear. He used to tell me how pretty I was, and how ugly I am, now. It's the truth. Nothing but the truth is okay.

I FEEL like, I could maybe fill up a million notebooks with my thoughts and turn them into live drawings. The drawings you would see on the old t.v. show called "Chalk Zone." It would be so cool, if you could just escape the most awkward of situations by drawing a dark, black hole that let's you escape to a world filled with candy and vibrant colors. Not monotonous people and architecture. Or maybe, you could even escape to a world that's not of color, but of blank, white scenery. With just you, plopping in like re-birth or something.. plopping in like an uninvited person to a party, or slumber party.

I FEEL like, you should be listening, but you're not. You're just mindlessly reading while I hypnotize you and use bad grammar. Ah, it was worth a try.

i don't like you anymore.
if you wanna be quite fuckin' frank.

why not start now?

I've never flew in a plane
Why not?
Because, I'm afraid


I've never actually created a picture that I've honestly liked
Why not?
Because, I have no creativity. I'm stupid.

I've never actually finished a book before in my life.
Yes you have.
I have, I'm a liar.


I miss you, but I don't know how to tell you
Just say it, "I miss you, don't criticize me anymore."
I can't, I'm afraid

I could

paint the prettiest watercolor picture on the hugest piece of paper with your lies
i could fill the whole Pacific Ocean with your lies
i could fill an entire collection of glass bottles with your lies
i could spew vomit all over you and use your lies as a rag
i could not even care what i'm saying and be mean to you and tell you your own lies
i could shove all of your lies up your nose and watch it crust and bleed until some honesty spills out
i could build a fort with your lies
i could wash your mouth out with your lies
i could fill an entire human being with your lies













i think you get the point.

i think

new years resolutions are too time consuming.
like, you need to change? for yourself? if nobody is really noticing the differences in your behavior why should you even change?
why should you even take the time to sit down and think about how you're going to put those cigarettes down
how you're gonna break them in half and suddenly be okay with the tabacco flaking to the ground.
i wonder how people have been talking, do they talk different?
since it's the new year?
honestly, i think that everything just suddenly got older. the minute it turned 2010 i looked outside and everything seemed to age in a second.
i feel like i'm older, and more experienced. i feel like i can't make any new years resolutions.
i feel like i enjoy simpler things much more than i did.

i was just eating animal crackers and made a hippo and a camel kiss and make love, it was the most beautiful thing ever.