I think

maybe, I am a monster. Yeah, I am.
I despise who I am and so do you.
That's not fair, it's not fair at all.
I love you for everything you are, and you're so good to me.
I'm trying so hard NOT to sound like those stupid people in creative writing
that talk about love, but I mean it when I say
I LOVE YOU.

I read the blog, I read everything.
I re-read it again.
I started to cry, 'cause it was a floodgate of memories
that overwhelmed me to a point of anger, and rage
and tears and sadness and hatred and happiness
and LOVE. and I can't seem to describe it anymore than I can on here
but this is for everyone to read and everyone to laugh at.
but i'm projecting it
because I'm crazy!
I'm madly
in love with everything about you.
We've changed and we need to change some more
everyday
more and more
I fucking care about you and I love you
and
I'm going to miss you when we go separate ways.
you're with me
and that's all I've ever wanted.

So far

It's been lengthy and distorted and bad, but I'm able to see the cracks

and the grainy-high-contrasted pictures that once used to lay in my dressers filled with incense dust.

And my stuffed animals used to talk to me while we sat down and enjoyed ourselves a nice little tea party just there in front of the big 8x8 bedroom window

completed with a bed set from bed, bath and BEYOND.

And the reason to just lay back and click your heals and you'll go to your grandma's house where she baked the best cookies for you to devour all by yourself.

stomach ache on a plate.

A quilt stitched with lovely things and sparkles and that grainy picture.

But those days are over now.

I sewed the stuffed animals mouths closed and poured the tea down the drain.

Lengthy days have become lengthy months

and cookies have become stomach acid that just keeps coming up making me want to vomit.

All because, I fucking miss you..

yknow

everybody in every part of the world contacts another human and tells them where they are.
is life like one big computer, one big twitter update?
or is it just me?