YOU HAVE

a little mistake right there on your shoulder, child.

right underneath your jaw bone.

just there.

did you get it?

of course you didn't because you never admit to anything.

you have a little bit of guilt on your pants

right there underneath your knee cap.

did you get it?

of course not, because you're always so innocent.

you have a little bit of a heart on your sleeve.

right there underneath your collar bone,

did you get it?

or was it too cold to grab?

walking-like-a-lifeless-pig

I bite down on the apple
and all the juices flow into my mouth like the water fall in the jungle. So succulent;
this goddamn apple was.
Yknow, that waterfall? The one that I'm jumping out of in my mind because the water-is- so- cold- to- the- touch-of- my- skin- is- so- rough- with- yellow- sap- coming- out- of- my-pores- and- the- cigarette- butts- burning- my- arm-hairs.
It's so salty, but so satisfying
I could almost have an orgasm.
I could just shake on the floor and get goosebumps on my eyelids.
But I can't.
The ability?
HA, well it's lost.
The drive?
Well hell, that's lost also.
Because just last night, that succulent apple just-so-happened to be my best friends heart.
And I,
Me,
devilish me,
sinful little me,
ate that fucking "apple" with a smile on my face
and the blindness of a mouse.
The not-so-memory of an elephant
and the drive, un-like a car.

When this gum hits the enamel of my tooth
it turns to a pink
due to all the blood in the grooves of the roof of my mouth
the ceiling of the ordeal.
It creates a cavity
that soon creates a meteor in my mouth
which then creates a problem.
I can't kiss anybody.
That tingle in my lips?
HA, well that's lost.
The determination,
Well hell, that's lost too.
Sometimes, I just can't hold it in
the desire and the demons
that have taken me over at 3:00 AM
the zombie that has bitten into my neck
making ME an apple too.


It's I
that has made this city a quarantine.
The inferno that's outside of my window...
HOLD ON

My mouth is watering
I want an apple now.

I Thank you;

for I am no longer reading the torn threads hanging by a string.
for YOU are no longer reading that twinkle in my eyes across the way.
Something is blocking the concrete
vertically
and I can no longer see across the fence anymore
but I accidentally threw my ball in my neighbors yard
they're dead
they can't get it for me
and I can barely see it.
It shines a bright yellow
to make your twisted intestines straight again.
I miss you.
My hand is on my head and I'm looking at the light so I can sneeze
so I can let you have some of my germs
because I've liked you this whole time.
I'm writing it down
all of my feelings
and I'm cutting
so you'll worry about me.
The grass glides like an airplane
like the sun across my shoulders
then your hand touches my shoulders
and picks me up like the flower I threw on that misty sidewalk that rainy day.
Oh, that rainy day, I saw your eyes and I cried when I got inside.
I walked downstairs and fell on the floor and cried
Wobbling every which way
and singing to the highest C I could.
I felt your touch heal me like medicine
you helped me when I was fallen
and you succeeded until I was too happy
you loved me today and tomorrow.
The names in the clouds are hidden
and then name on my heart will forever be written
to the sound of the melancholy soundtrack blazing over the speakers
and filling our ears together
as we step back and forth on the gravel.
The corners of your shirt absorb my salty tears
and I kiss your cheek and smell the smell of your skin
as it glistens in the light
and sparkles like your eyes.
I love you.
For we are powerful, and we have stuck, and we will for eternity.

To the grave, I promise.
I pledge.
And I preach.
No longer, no sadness.
No bitter faces, no grime.

To you, my friend.
F O R E V E R.

P L E A S E

Repetition is what gets me to vomit
because it exists in all the wrong places.
Because I mean, I walk on these two feet every single day
if you don't keep your body kept you lose it
the flesh and the bones inside of that start to smell
and it boils and turns and slurpes around through those skimpy little arms of yours.
and these red underlines are just as common as any punctuation
and any plaque on my front teeth that have been there for weeks on end.
the smell of peanut butter in between my two fingers from that last cigarette are a reminder of my repetition.
i talk the same
i look the same
i shout the same
i sneeze the same.
well fuck me, America
for I am no different
than your little 12 year old "teenagers"
and every other snow flake that hits the ground in the frigid winter
because snow flakes
aren't different.
because I am not.

[define different]
f
fo
for
fo
f

for i am no different
than any of these serial killers
or waves
or smoke rings.

I cannot be
for I am un-intelligent
and un-appreciated
and pointed at
and lurked behind
and shouted at
and pushed.

I AM A WALKING

human

that

wants

OUT

OF

H E R E

It's the time of day, the hour of the day where the sun gets so incredibly unbearable.
You want water, you want it to pour all over you as if you just found a forest with a big waterfall like all of those jungle movies you see on the television.
Something tells you, you need to go swimming; you need to relax and you need to stop bending backwards to watch T.V. all the time.
You have no food, no ice cream or bread.
There's a drought.
You have $3.00 to your name
THE POOL.
YOU HAVE ENOUGH TO GO TO THE POOL.
You pack your things, and carry a big but heavy bag.
As you sit at the bus stop you enjoy a nice long smoke, one of the last ones you'll have for a while.
You're so grateful you're outside, it's cool but humid and you're so glad that you don't have to sit on that stained reclining chair and watch truth commercials.
You hear your rubber shoes clicking against the sidewalk, probably squashing countless ants and damaging ant hills.
Your a mindless zombie walking instead of taking the bus like you were going to.

[But the pool is 3 miles away]
[WHO CARES?!]

You think and thought and think and thought about things.
But nothing comes to mind.
You want to write a song, but you don't know what chords to use,
or what words to choose, or what tunes to lose.

You smell it, the smell of the fresh but polluted wind.
The smell of chlorine has never been better.
You're delusional at this point
walking like a caveman looking like you've been in a pool
but it's only sweat from your pores.
Soaking your white shirt and your white pants.

[But white and white don't go together]
[OH GOD I'M BEING INSECURE AGAIN!]

You feel like you don't want to be there
even though you've walked a mere 3 miles just to jump in a pool and get out.

YOU JUMPED IN WITH EVERYTHING
your bag
your off white clothing
and the T.V.

YEAH, you brought the T.V. with you
and watched it at the bottom of the pool until you were unconscious.

[But where did the outlet come from?]
[ALKALINE BATTERIES!]

Sometimes, lonliness is the only food
the only 50 cents in your pocket
and the only thing that'll make you a mindless zombie.

Fuck your soul, God bless your organs.

T.V. is broken, but to you it's always been your imaginary friend.
Never alone
[But always]
INSTITUTIONALIZED

Inches and centimeters chopped off to the floor
I feel like a new human, or inhuman.
With my glowing finger, and my condensed brain and my fizzy pop ways.
Maybe I am
Maybe I'm not supposed to be here, maybe I belong with the dogs
or the tulips
Open my hands and let them eat yours.

Answer to my call
open my veins and let them bleed onto yours.

Does this fit you?
'cause it's too big for me.

Your ego, I mean.
I have my own personality, my own glowing finger.
I don't need yours waving in my face.

G'BYE! FOREVER!

I'm scared of what I'm going to be without you.
I'm terrified of what I might be without you.

I'm scared I'm going to drown in my own self-pity.
I do need you.
I do
I DO

false thoughts wrong our relationship
false assumptions throw it against a wall
false love kills it until it's butchered.

save me, while there's still time.
kill me with your words one last time.
look in my eyes and say you don't want me anymore.

it's one more realm of this shit that you don't need.
one last movie script you need to act out
one less step you need to take to the bus stop.

I hope one day, you're happy.
I hope the next day, you're not.
I hope the day after tomorrow, you'll forgive me.

And I hope now, today, you'll kill me.

Blank stares and Empty threats

It's when I walk away
my feet trotting, one in front of the other.
I hear the voices fading, from the deep conversation they just engaged themselves in. Nobody has a pink tie, nobody has a shirt on, not even women.
They're naked, they're wholesome, and they're beautiful.
But nobody looks at their breasts, and nobody looks at my breasts.
They all look at each other's faces. They look at my face.
With concern, and envy and hidden secrets.
It's something like this, so simple that would make the world a better place.
If we were all naked, and didn't have to worry about clothing -- or having enough money to buy it, or worrying about whose going to make fun of them from where they got them from.

No more thrift store, no more goodwill, just us human beings all natural.
In our natural habitats.

It's when I see everybody hugging each other, with their breasts and genitals touching,
and I hear everybody laughing with each other about how happy they all are,
telling each other what they do and don't have in common.
It's all so beautiful, you could cry.

You could just sit your naked ass in the soil and water the plants with your tears.
What if we were all natural and carefree?

Maybe one day we'll burn all of our clothes and finally let loose.

Until then, my clothes are dirty, and I killed the washer.