Sometimes..

in every person's life, you get rejected by someone or something.
Today, I was so ecstatic, so fucking happy to give my art work to my teacher.
and he rejected it.
Reasoning = Not colored, not finished, it's late, I didn't do my best.
Sometimes.. I wish I could just differ from the regular, normal, population of the world where I could choose what I get rejected on. Because if it's my artwork, they could most definitely crush my dream.
My self esteem is very low, and stupid lately. But I'm working on it, and you know it.
But sometimes.. It's hard to boost it when other people are busy bringing it down.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking, I'm too hard on myself.
Well, isn't everyone?
Isn't the other half of the population that's getting rejected like me taking it even harder on themselves? Like, sticking their finger down their throat, and eating everything under 300 calories a day and watching weight watchers for a hobby?
Maybe if I did something equivalent to that, I could finally feel like I'm enough.
Maybe I am right now, maybe I'm not.

Maybe, I'm just delusional and I just need to calm down.

No, that's not it.

I just need to find something or someone that makes me entirely happy.
I have the someone already, but I need the SOMETHING.
I want to draw like I used to, and I want people to like it.

I wish I wouldn't have gotten rejected.
I just wanted other people to see the real me, but on paper with a pencil.
Eraser shavings all over it, pink and white.

WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT
that doesn't mean anything.

I needed rejection.