it's here

I feel pretty much, alone all of sudden.
did you ever feel that before?
like, say you're sitting by a tree, right
and you're just sitting there thinking on and on and on
about what's going on in your life
thinking of self-improvement
and then all of a sudden
you realize that you're by yourself
but technically not because you're thinking
of all this other shit that has to do with walking humans
that you really don't care for
that you pretend to care for
that you should really tell them you don't care for them
at all
but you really don't have the heart to
and all you want to do is be isolated
in a box
floating onto a lone island
with a loan palm tree
and a loan crab for you to roast at night
for your lonesome feast
and your lonesome talk-yourself-to-sleep talks
and your palm tree leave pillow that just not quite soft enough
but you can't stop thinking about what's going to happen when you get off of this island
what will your boyfriend think of you when you come back all cruddy,
covered in sea scum and 6 month old sand and dirty toenails that curl under your sandles as you walk on them.
what will THEY think?
it doesn't matter, you've been alone for over 3 years now.
it's time for some social interaction.
you've been alone so long, that YOU DON'T KNOW what social interaction IS.
you say all the wrong things at all the wrong times
talk to yourself in public
make people think you belong in a loony bit or something!
it's madness
pure fucking rage
and stupidity
and heartlessness
and amusement
and entertainment
all combined into one little situation
where all you wish is that you can be alone on that lonesome little island again
to be one with the sea scum
to be two with the 6 month old sand
to be three with your sea friends.
and to once again drink the coconut juice that drips into your savage mouth.
and this is when you realize.
being alone, it's nice
being alone isn't here.
it's on that very island.
not where there's p.m. 2.5 in the air.
but when there's fresh sea breeze buzzing around your ears and kissing your pupils.
it's not
here
but
there.

point 1: we're all alone -- but still unknown.
point 2: one will eventually realize what it feels like to be alone, when they're once isolated with no social contact with the outside world.
point 3: i feel like i should be this kind of person.