Believe me when I say, I still love you.

you have stars in your eyes

that follow me when i walk

down the hall

when i open my locker

you follow me into

this twisting winding tunnel

of sorrow.

the tunnel is filled with lies and

tears and all the changes that happened

over the years, and everything that

we said we've ever wanted

except floating cars and the ghosts

that haunted,

with people that talk to you every day

the ones that talk in circles to trick you

so you don't know what to say.

sometimes when we're here i can't believe

we're even alive in here, floating like we don't care

the tunnel contracting every which way

the locker is shut, it's locked, we're here to stay.

You're

pathetic

chasing

a girl

who doesn't

want

you.

I'll

throw my head

back

and laugh hysterically

while chewing gum

when I'm done

I'm gonna spit in your face.

I saw a shooting star last night
my only wish was
that you would all kindly
burn in fucking hell.

i haven't done this in a while, the only time i've done this recently is write that stupid fucking poem that i just wrote that i hope people will read even though i know they won't because the people that used to read this blog doesn't care about what i write anymore. we've all grown up and we're done living on blogger but i'm still gripping onto this thing because it basically reflects my entire high school life for all 4 years. 9th grade when i had brown hair and was friends with carla and derrick and jj and emily and we all had the time of our lives. i listened to the stupidest music and bonded with the people that would be with me for the rest of my high school career even if i don't want some of them to be there, they are and we will always have a history together and not even the biggest eraser in the world can erase that. in 10th grade i remember sitting in the tech room without anybody in my class and i heard the bathroom noise and looked around for jj and derrick and they weren't there and i got all teary eyed. 10th grade is when jon showed his face to city high and we awkwardly fell asleep to hot zone on the table every single day in research class. then there's 11th grade where it gets blurry. i'm not sure who i was, i lost pretty much all my friends except for derrick and it hurts me to say that to be honest. i want the people i lost in my life more, but i can't do anything about it, i'm not going to persuade them to be my friend again, it's just how the cookie crumbles. now it's 12th grade and i'm so confused. i have classes with all of my friends and some of them in my class ignore i even exist. i know i shouldn't really care, but i do and you're not gonna tell me that i don't because i do dammit. i'm not that 9th grade kayla anymore, i've evolved and i'm going to admit one day i'm going to be a grown woman and stomp on all of you with my combat boots an say, "i told you so."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
i honestly don't know why i'm writing this, like i said before nobody is going to read this. i'm in the middle of english class not giving a shit about my work because senioritis has taken it's toll on me since the beginning of the year. i guess 12th grade is okay because it's me derrick, mat and jon basically and i like our group. it's simple, it's suttle and i'm glad to be a part of it. i like smoking with mat it's one of my favorite things because we just chill and that's what i like to do since my life is slowly spiraling out of control.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
i wonder if i showed you this or told you that i blogged that you would care. you haven't cared in 3 or so years. i read your old blogs and they made me laugh in the middle of class. we were 15 together. do you remember that?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
i just want to be done with everything. drop it and just go. just move on with my life and forget all of you. wouldn't that be nice...
---------------------------------------------------------------------
i'm going to make it to australia whether you like it or not. that's something that hasn't changed.