Missing

When I was sitting at the bus stop this morning, I had nothing to think about.
My mind was a blank slate empty thoughts and mental words.
I got up to get on the bus, I turned around out of curiosity, and saw a missing person's sign.
She was a black female that looked like she had been a nurse for a living and she looked so joyous and happy to be alive.
At that moment, when I saw those pearly whites on the black and white bleached piece of paper, I thought to myself, "I wonder where she is. I wonder what basement she's in. I wonder what kind of guy is raping her and torturing her right now."




The world is corrupt.

fluorescent

when i saw you under that fluorescent light
i didn't know what to think.

i thought you were going to hurt me.
you were glowing.
your aura around you was red.

your cheeks were sucked in
and your chest was puffed out.
i miss you.

you're as hollow as a magazine cover.
you're as empty as a full glass of soda.
what to think?

what do i do if i've ran dry of things to talk about?
what happens to us when i tell you i don't think you're interesting anymore?
what do you think of me?

why do you look at me the way you do?

i'm on the 10th floor of the shortest building in the city
and if i jumped right now, i would only have a broken platelet bone in my foot.
the second one into pieces.

if i dropped the glass doll and you were standing in front of me
all bloody and dead
would you still attack me?

would you still think of me the same?
would you stop glowing, please?

and could you please change the color of your aura, you're scaring me.
give me a hug.

or..y'know..just drop to the ground.

i just
need
somebody
to fucking
look up to.
i wish it was you.
but you're too much of an egotistical
crack pipe on legs
no good
dirty rotten
fuckhead.


i think it's time to call it quits.

i'm sorry i have to corrupt my blog with you; buuuut on the other hand;
YOU ARE THE UGLIEST HUMAN BEING TO EVER EXIST
UGLY AS FUCKING SIN
GET
THE
FUCK
OUT
OF
MY
FUCKING
LIFE
YOU
FUCKING
CREEP.
YOU FUCKING SPECK OF DUST
YOU DON'T MATTER TO ANYBODY
PEOPLE TRAMPLE OVER YOUR EXISTENCE
FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID FUCKING DICK BAG.

"Wake up! The sun is dead!"
"...What?"
"The sun! Y'know, that big ball of fire everything lives off of! It's dead! It's gone! It's run away!"
"...What're you talking about..you're..you're crazy."
"Go outside and look! Take a whiff of the permanent black air."
"But..I'm scared. Are you telling the truth?"
"OF COURSE I AM, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT DO WE DO! WHAT..DO..WE..DO.."
As she walks up the stairs, as she yawns, not fully awake but still an internal fear takes over her. She opens up the window blinds slowly. She peaks out the window, it's night time. Or..is it?
"Seriously? It's night time you big goof."
"Then explain why all the clocks read: 4:30 p.m."
"Maybe..maybe..maybe.. I don't know.."
"WHAT DO WE DO. WHERE IS THE SUN. I WANT IT BACK! TELL IT THAT IT NEEDS TO COME BACK OR WE'RE ALL GOING TO ROT AND DIE."
"If the sun was coherent and responsive, I would. All we can do now is wait. Wait until the birds sing and wait until the grass grows again."
"Does this mean life isn't going to be fun anymore?"
"This means that life isn't going to be life anymore..."
She fell to her knees and cried so hard she vomited. What is happening? Where did everything go? Where did the life disappear to?

In a nutshell

I'm full of questions and unethical answers
I'm not capable of the simplest things
I read you every day, and can't make out the words
You're a big question mark;
A big ball of confusion
You're blurry to me, but I don't wear glasses
I don't know what's going to come out of my mouth next;
What would you do if I just dropped to the ground screaming?
Would you stand there and ask me what's wrong?
Would you ask me if I was okay?
Or would you just say, "But I have to help someone else. I have to help her feel okay."
You don't realize what you have.
I'm seconds away from calling all of these years shit.
I've called them shit already, but what are they to you?
I want you to whisper in my ear, or write me a letter
But of course, I'm just a blur in the patch of fog.
Don't comment on this, I don't need your two cents.

I really miss you. I just don't know how to tell you.

As I was walking down the street this morning, with my breath showing the air, I noticed three lone cans of smashed pears. I picked one up, the freezing aluminum touching my fingertips, only to see that there were maggots in the can. Not only did I throw the can but I looked up and nobody was there. It was a ghost town. I never thought I would say this but, I felt like this was a sign of the apocalypse. Honestly, everything and everyone was non existent for that split second. I didn't know who to tell.. I didn't know what to do, because in that moment, I felt like there was nobody or nothing I could say or anything I could do. My eyes were fixed on these three lone cans of "pears", this was just an unbearable sight and I wish I could share this image with somebody else. I was in the moment of absolutely nothing. Have you ever had a feeling where you felt like you were the only human being alive? ..I have.

Toungue tied

There's a certain kind of feeling I get, when I walk out in the bitter cold and realize that I feel like one of the characters in my book. It's a cool feeling, because I feel different, I feel out of my element, I feel unique and weird for once. I'm starting to accept that not everyone is going to offer me things because they like me, not everybody likes me and I don't like everybody. It all works out that way. I'm also starting to accept that I'm sort of different from everyone else. I don't like the same things someone my age, especially a 17 year old girl would like. I feel like an individual because I don't have to listen to you, or him. I can make my own decisions without you digging at my brain looking for the answer you want. I don't want to answer you, I'm drawing a blank. When I look at you, all I see is a white face with no physical features. No eyeballs, no mouth to talk from, no nose to breathe from and smell the paper I'm burning. I like you better this way, It's a good look for you, beautiful.