Sideshow Clown

is the epitome of my existence right now.
i'm a joke.

Empty

I've never felt so incomplete in my life. My nose is running, tears are pouring out of my eyeballs, and my eyelashes are sticking together. My heart is pounding, and so is my head. The vein on the side is pumping blood through it and it feels like it's going to explode inside of me and kill me. I want to throw up. I miss you. I miss you so much. I wish you would talk to me, I wish I could feel you and hear you. I wish I could snuggle you like I'm snuggling this teddy bear. You're the firefly buzzing around my ears, tickling every fuzz on my earlobe. I wish I didn't have to do this to myself every time I feel less of someone. Problems = stupidity and stupidity = meltdown. I need to be frozen, in time. Without phones or answering machines. Things get me down, things never bring me up. Goddammit, I'm allergic to this teddy bear's fur. What next, the clouds make me itch? The sun makes me burn as soon as I go outside, and the cramps and churns in my stomach turn into vomit in the toilet>vomit in the ocean> vomit in a fish's mouth. Well, bye.

squiggle

This place is like a ticking pipe bomb. An explosion in my mind, a blinding flash that burns out our retnas. The white of our eyeballs turn black, and they're all ugly. You're ugly. This instance, I think of all the nasty food I just regurgitated into that porcelain God. A ghost holds my hair for me, to make life easier. In my head, I live in a perfect place, in my body I do not. Thinking of everything. Things rewinding, this fast forwarding, things pausing, things ejecting like video tapes every second. This wall looks like somebody puked all over it, and so do you. I am not a follower, I am not different. I think you should just shut up, and FLOAT.

my hate for you is a stampede of horses

IT'S YOU that I spilled all of my heart on the table for
that cold, wet, platinum steel table. MY ORGANS were strewn
across it like scattered game pieces, or 52 pick-up.
YOU didn't even give a fuck.
MY THOUGHTS get filtered when you're there, I can't say what I think.
MY CIGARETTE burns out every time you're around, not letting me inhale
my own ADDICTION.
YOU tainted my clothes, my hand, my arm, my bed and my carpet.
MY FEET cringe at the thought of walking in your shoes for a day.
YOU color all wrong. YOU are not normal, my friend.
GO AWAY!

A production of phylums

This is the product of researching "Cnidarians" without sleeping since 9 a.m. this morning when really wanting to go back to sleep but cannot because you smell coffee and bacon upstairs. A great life, I lead, children. Watch and learn.

New

It's today, that I thought everything was brand new.
the slate was clean, and so was I, of my bad habits I can't get rid of.
nothing is coming back, everything is staying far away from me.
I like talking to people that I haven't talked to in a really long time
and just sharing all of my information with them that they don't know.
Everything, even my doughnut I just bought is treating me like a new person.
I feel like, I could write ANYTHING because of today. Like, I have no boundaries I can just go anywhere and do anything I want. I can sing highly without my voice cracking.
My feelings for you are re-newed in a way. It all feels like the first time again. The second time, and the third. I feel like I have a crush on you again. I love crushes. Even the weekend feels new. Even my sweater that I've been wearing for the past three days.
_____________________________________________
This..this..this.

InspirationalMoodSwings

It hit me like a freight train, that idea.
Now, It just refuses to come back to me.
It's outside right now, floating it's way into the business building.
Touching upon the shoulders of our bland and bold office workers whom have no capability of coming up with such an enticing idea.
It's this idea, now that has driven me up the wall. Literally, I can climb up this rocky mountain with no bungee chords. I am infinite and I am un-stoppable with my flawless- flawless idea.
This idea, it just, came to me, and I really had no care in the world at the moment and let it fall upon my grasp.
Dammit, this idea was so good. It could've made me famous.
I could've made a novel with scribbled drawings all over the page and into the air with my laser pen.
I could've erased your name out of my head and instead, fill my brain with the great idea I came up with.
I've lost my creativity
and I've lost your attention.

Pencil

I'm drawing you today
and guess what?
I can make your head larger than it's actual size
and I can make you look so incredibly ugly
and I can make everybody think you're a rapist
and that you kill people just because I can.

So, do you really want me to draw this caricature of you?